Losing your virginity is often a topic that concerns and scares young women a lot, causing anxiety and even an overwhelming fear of any attempt at physical intimacy. A whole range of myths and inaccuracies about your first time are likely to be the cause of this. A good knowledge and understanding of your anatomy and bodily functions, as well as some self-practice before the "big day" are essential in order for you to lose your virginity painlessly and pleasurably.
The misconception of the hymen. Most people believe the hymen is a piece of flesh that will necessarily break, cause pain and bleed the first time a girl has intercourse. This is a myth. The hymen is a membrane that covers part of the vagina's entrance. However, it has a hole in it, from where menstrual blood flows to the outside. An adolescent girl's hymen is either likely to have broken through the practice of sports, masturbation or insertion of a tampon. Even if not broken, the hymen's hole will have have stretched enough by the time a girl is about initiate intimacy, resulting in only very mild pain and little bleeding (or none at all) when the male genitalia is inserted. On the other hand, you might bleed a lot. It is also normal, so don't be scared.
So why does it hurt a little? The truth is that the possible breaking of the hymen will play a very subtle role in terms of pain felt during your initiation. In most cases, it is the inside muscles of your genitals that may cause discomfort and pain. The myth that your first night is always painful causes these muscles to subconsciously tighten and spasm, causing penetration to be much more difficult than necessary. It is the nervousness and misconception of first-time penetration that causes it. But don't worry because there are ways to overcome it naturally and easily.
Importantly, you must be sure you are ready to take this step. Remember that the initiation of a relationship with your partner will change things, most likely from a teenage-love stage to a much deeper and intimate sort of relationship. Also, make sure that you (or even your partner) are not being pressured to take this step. If you decide you don't want to do it, you have the right to simply say 'no' and be respected for it.
Be aware of your anatomy, its functions, locations and how it feels to touch. Print a picture of a female's inner and outer genitalia, read the names of each organ and how it functions.
Explore your own anatomy. When alone and calm in your room, remove your clothing, get a small mirror and sit on your bed, legs spread. You might like to trim your pubic hair in order to get a better sight of your genitals though is not required.
Compare your own anatomy to the explanation picture and try touching your external organs first. Get used to the touch and feel.
Trying masturbation if you wish. Remember it doesn't necessarily mean getting to an orgasm or feeling pleasure, but rather getting to know what your reaction to stimulation will be. View or read material that is arousing to you, if you choose to do so.
Try inserting of one or two lubricated fingers next if you feel comfortable with that. You might feel some resistance, discomfort or even mild pain when doing so. If so, relax your muscles (similarly to when you're going to pee) and change the direction of your finger. Generally, after pushing two or three inches inside your vagina you will feel no pain at all. This happens because there's a tight ring of muscles in that location.
Understand that you might dislike the feeling of penetration at first, especially when you try it with a bigger phallic object. You might feel some discomfort, similar to when you're on your period or removing a tampon but remember, this is perfectly natural. When you try this more often, the odd sensation will disappear and eventually become pleasurable.
Try some relaxing exercises in order to loosen your inner muscles. When you feel ready to sleep with your partner for the first time, remember to be calm, use a lot of lubricant and start penetrative sex only when really aroused.
Engage in extensive foreplay prior to vaginal penetration. Foreplay in itself is a pleasurable activity that can result in orgasm. For many women, it's easier to become both mentally aroused and physically receptive to vaginal intercourse after foreplay, including cunnilingus. Different types of foreplay also help sexual partners to determine what they find arousing.
Relax if penetration feels painful. Pain, quite often, can be more mental or psychological than physical. The more frightened you are, the more tense/nervous/etc. you will be. Fear has a direct effect on the muscles of your body and will cause resistance and some of the pain you might experience. When you feel comfortable, are with an understanding partner, and confident in your decision to have sex, you will feel much more at ease. It's important to remember that not all girls feel pain the first few times they have intimacy, only a slight discomfort or a feeling they are simply not used to.
- A private place that makes you feel comfortable and/or safe where you will not be interrupted is a good choice for a place to lose your virginity.
- Take your time; the first time will not be perfect and it's best to leave your expectations at the door. No one will expect you to be a pro.
- If you don't feel very confident about your body, remember that candlelight is always more romantic and sexy than electric light or complete darkness.
- Always use a water based lubricant, not Vaseline, oil, moisturizer, or any kind of greasy substance.
- Use a condom even if you have another form of birth control. You can get an STD your very first time. And if you don't use birth control at all, you can get pregnant! Let's not let something like that ruin your experience.
- Put your fingers in your vagina slowly starting with your pinky finger, and add more fingers as it opens up.
- These recommendations do not cover the need for a gynecologist appointment before you initiate your intimate activity. Only a doctor can examine you, inform you about your own situation and make sure everything is all right for comfortable future intercourse.
- It is possible to get pregnant the first time you have intimacy. What we are not typically told is that condoms have the highest pregnancy rate among the most common methods of birth control. But they do. Typical use results in 15 out of 100 users getting pregnant each year. And teens have a higher failure rate than adults. About three out of every 20 couples using condoms to avoid pregnancy end up pregnant anyway within the first year of use. So if possible, use another form of birth control along with a condom. If you take birth control and are taking some form of medication for a virus , such as a antiboitic, this can alter birth control! So be careful when taking birth control and antibiotics.
- If you are planning on losing your virginity and your partner has had sex with other people, carefully consider that sexually transmitted infections (all STDs are STIs) are a serious matter. STIs are spread through vaginal, anal, and oral intimacy. You can have an STI and never know, and pass it on to others too. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has reported that now 85 percent of the most prevalent infectious diseases in the United States are sexually transmitted. The rate of STIs in this country is 50 to 100 times higher than that of any other industrialized nation. One in four sexually active Americans (possibly more) will be affected by an STI at some time in his or her life. You can decrease your changes of getting an STD by using condoms, dental dams, and other barrier methods.
- Don't give in to pressure from your partner. It's your decision, not his/hers.
- On the other hand, you should be perfectly free to say "yes" whenever you want or feel like it. There's nothing wrong in wanting to have sex, even if it's before than what is considered socially acceptable. Your body, your choice.
- Don't go kinky, don't get into toys or elaborate positions and fantasies if it's your first time. You have time for that when you're more comfortable with intimacy.
- Avoid extreme, shocking or too-sexy underwear as it might be intimidating for both of you. Wear what makes you feel comfortable.
- Don't previously "schedule" the day you're gonna lose your virginity. Just let it happen naturally, unplanned, but also when you are completely ready. Before penetration, both of you can try other approaches to sex, such as oral sex, masturbation etc.
- You might get the urge to go to the toilet (be it number one or number two) during sex. It's normal. It will go away after couple of times you have sex.
- Don't drink or take any kind of drug out of fear of pain. It could make it much worse.
- Finally, and this is very important, if you feel like tonight is not yet "the night", don't be ashamed to postpone it. A caring partner will value how you feel above anything else and will not try to rush you into something you are not ready for. If you change your mind, it is okay to say so!
- Some women are born with septate hymens
Things You'll Need
- A private room (optional)
- A water-based lubricant (optional)
- Male or female condoms and another form of birth control
- Someone who you feel comfortable with